Putting in the work in a Relationship
Putting in the work in a Relationship
- Jay Hoad
- June 30, 2022
- 9:17 am
“Are you willing to let go of your partner? Let me put this another way, how much can you love?” 💖💖💖
Often, there is a shadiness in a relationship, a shadow that feels something like… “Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I would do without you”, or “like it’s you that makes me happy and I hope you never leave me”. And, I don’t mean in a yummy kind of way, I mean in a yucky kind of way, a way that would never actually be spoken out loud because it would sound like someone is really insecure, but trust me… It is felt.
But, what about if the tables are turned? What about if with love, kindness, respect, and self-worth, the story went something like this…
“You know what, I love you and I will do my best to be here for you no matter what. And actually, I would love you to know, that if you ever choose to be in a relationship with another man or woman instead of me, I am going to do my absolute best to support you in this decision. If you truly feel this is what is going to make you happy in this lifetime. I am going to do the work to move all my own jealousy, anger, and insecurities into my own space and in my own way because what I would actually like to do is come back to you with love and support towards you and the partner of your choice to the best of my ability. Because I love you because I am super grateful for the time you chose to commit to me in our beloved union, and I truly want what is best for you. I will also do my best to share if anything comes up for me if I feel that may not be in your absolute best interest as maybe I may notice something that you may not and as I feel I know you quite well from our time together, but I understand this is simply my own stories from my observations, and in no way should you choose to resonate with it, but maybe you would be open to hearing it? I will also do my best to do all of this without judgment, but instead with an open heart to hear your thoughts around it and deeply communicate with you, listen and feel you to the best of my ability” 💗💗💗
This is my story, and this is the energy I have held with my separations from my partners for almost 10 years now. How? Because I do the work and continue to do the work. ✨✨✨
In no way am I pretending to be the Golden Goose of relating, but these things below were game changers for me and how I became this way.
1.) Trust is everything, it is felt more than it is spoken, and it is not always the other person that needs to change, boundaries often need to be set and accountability spoken about and often committed to.
A relationship is a two-way street. It is important to communicate boundaries so you can both commit and honour them. When was the last time you had honest conversations with your other half?
Have you communicated or set your boundaries? Did you make these boundaries known? Or are you aware of your partner’s boundaries? It may be time to have a conversation about your and your partner’s boundaries and your ways to honour and commit to them.
2.) Have you communicated or set your boundaries? Did you make these boundaries known? Or are you aware of your partner’s boundaries? It may be time to have a conversation about your and your partner’s boundaries and your ways to honour and commit to them.
No matter how hard I ignore things, they have their ways of reminding me they exist and they are real. These things keep on piling up and making me feel uneasy to the point that I have to do something about them. Acknowledging the feeling is winning half the battle. It’s the first step toward working on it.
It was uneasy and uncomfortable to recognise things but once I got honest with my emotions, I had clarity on what I needed to do.
A few good ways to introspect include journaling, meditation, and doing a Tribal Moon Cacao Ceremony. Breathwork also allows you to have the mental clarity needed to evaluate your past experiences, own your truth, and feel into all the ways how the past no longer serves you as it once did.
3.) Your partner IS NOT your healer!
3.) Your partner IS NOT your healer!
We may get love, patience, and understanding from our partners but it is not their responsibility to heal us. 🚫 Positive relationships may leave us feeling loved, respected, supported, seen, and understood. However, imposing our healing on our partners is a different story. Our healing is our own journey just like how our partner’s healing should be their own.
Speaking about these goals or the things you don’t want to lose gives you an idea of how much you want them and what you can do to achieve them.
4.) Do the work and continue to do the work, men/women groups, tantra, psychologists, etc.
As I realised the areas in my life that I need to work on, I stepped up and walk the talk. By attending groups, and performing practices, and ceremonies, I continue to improve myself. Plenty of things you can do too to do the work such as journaling, meditation, doing the Cacao ceremony, communing with nature, or attending therapy.😊😊
These things allow you to get to know yourself on a more intimate level whilst improving yourself. 💗💗💗
5.) Leave your spiritual ego at the door.
Ego gets in the way of healing. Carrying our spiritual ego may lead us to believe that everything is all about us, which may harm our relationship. When we set aside our egos, we become more open and easier to talk with. The sooner we determine that we share similar struggles and challenges with our partners, the sooner we become more empathetic and understanding. Communication becomes breezier and much easier when we are not hindered by our spiritual ego. 💖💗💓
6.) Own the fact that it is you who is choosing to be in this relationship
We choose to be in this union and partnership. This truth alone is enough for me to put in the work and continuously do so. Staying in love is a commitment that we need to work on every day. After the honeymoon phase of a relationship, do you still see yourself wanting to spend your days with your partner? Choosing to put in the work to commit to your partner comes with the wonderful gift of love and relationship.💓
The bottom line
It took honest discernment and conversation with myself to finally put in the work and improve myself to become a better partner. When we become honest with ourselves and recognise our emotions, it becomes much easier to walk the talk. It may be uncomfortable at first but once you fully immerse and commit yourself to becoming a better partner, you get to reap the joys of an incredible relationship.💑💑
- Tagged: couple growth, working a relationship
