Self Sabotage: How to Not Get in Your Way
Self Sabotage: How to Not Get in Your Way
- Jay Hoad
- July 17, 2022
- 10:12 am
“Thinking about creating your new event? Stop letting yourself get in the way!“ 
Everyone always told me I would never be able to tour the world as an independent, original musician. Well, you know what, I did it, and I excelled. Averaging 200 shows a year, 15 countries per year, 7 full-length albums with over 400,000 records sold, and performing at many of the most exciting festivals alongside many of the musicians I grew up listening to. I have an insanely abundant career that was more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined.
People told me the same when I started doing my Sacred Cacao Sound Journey experience on world tours. “I need more skills.” “I shouldn’t be mixing my spiritual side with my rock star side, blah blah blah.” I did, and they sold out all around the world.
How did I do it? How did I get out of the way, work on my goals, and succeed? These are some of my steps:
1.) It is easy to validate the 1% telling you why you shouldn't do it and ignore the other 99% thinking you should.
I found that spending time alone and reflecting on my goals inspires me and motivates me to work on them. Looking back at the people who told me I couldn’t reach my goals, their opinions didn’t really weigh me down. In hindsight, the negative things they said about me didn’t get through to me because I was focusing on myself, my goals, and the things I needed to do to reach them. Have people around you told you that you couldn’t make it? That your dreams are too high and that you couldn’t reach them? In times like this, I pause, step back and reflect. As you begin to notice negative thoughts, feelings and self-doubt, ask yourself whether these contribute to your goals or pull you down. It may be that we feel pressured by other people’s expectations and perceptions of us.
Taking a moment to breathe and reflect resets your focus on things that truly matter. I find that journaling, meditating, doing a Cacao ceremony, or simply going out for a walk clears my head.
2.) It is actually most likely you who is that 1%; let down your ego and go for it.
Have you been in a situation where you criticize yourself? You may be being hard on yourself for not doing things as planned or failing to meet your expectations. I find that beating myself up didn’t change the outcome and consequences of my own doing. Holding myself accountable allows me to make better decisions from past experiences as they are great teachers. Whenever I look at my past, I do so with humility and eagerness to learn. I find that accepting parts of myself that I outgrew helped me move forward. Rather than resisting and ignoring my past self and experiences, I accept these parts of me that contributed to who I am in the present. Learning from my previous experiences and letting go of my ego helped me become kinder to myself while being laser-focused on my goals. It’s about shifting focus to things I control rather than groaning over things in the past.
3.) It won't be perfect from the first event, but don't let this stop you. This is the BEST way to learn.
Had I given up at the first sign of mishaps and hiccups, I wouldn’t be where I am now. It’s not always smooth sailing, and that’s okay. From the numerous events, shows, albums, and classes that I did, I learned that not everything goes as planned. But the bumps I’ve met along the way made me resilient, innovative, creative, and compassionate to people and to myself. It may be that your first event didn’t go as you expected and that put a dent in your plans.
You may want to take a pause and recall the things you wouldn’t certainly do to your next event. I couldn’t count the number of trials and errors I had to go through to find what worked for me.
4.) Start with all your beautiful imperfections, and fix them later or on the run.
It used to be that I needed to make everything absolutely perfect before starting a session or any activity.
I found out that waiting for things to be perfect only delays me from reaching my goals. Once I get the vision of my end goals, I get the ball rolling. Sometimes, improvising as I go led me to an unexpectedly incredible result. The beauty of making incremental improvements allows me to see easy solutions that I have previously overseen. Even tiny improvements have led to significant results. By asking myself, “How can I improve my habits by five percent?” I have immensely shifted my perception of productivity and goal achievement. It’s okay not to figure out everything initially. You can fix the bumps along the way or learn from them.
5.) Tune in to the feedback you get and be as open as you can to receive ALL of it, even still... ask for more.
Listening to feedback and receiving them contributed to my growth. I trust that I am surrounded by people instrumental to my path and goals. Whenever I have events, shows, and classes, I make it a point to listen to feedback. I actively ask for feedback from the people I work and interact with. These feedbacks are great tools for me to assess myself and my goals. When was the last time you asked or listened to feedback? Have you taken the time to reflect on them?
6.) Take what feedback feels relevant and use that information to uplevel, and let go of the feedback that you truly do not resonate with gratitude.
The thing about feedback is that it is both negative and positive. If one’s isn’t open enough to receive them, the negative feedback may weigh them down. This is why it is important to be intentional when listening to feedback. Doing so allows me to take what resonates and feels relevant to me and use this information to improve my craft and practice. I don’t hold on to feedback that doesn’t align with my goals, but I let them go with gratitude.
The bottom line
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “I am not good enough to do this” or “I will only start setting up an event when things are perfect.” However, life happens, and there are things that are beyond our control. Allow yourself to have more experiences, embrace the beauty of imperfections, learn from your past, and believe that you can do it.
