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Are the things that are now presenting in your life coming FROM LOVE or FROM FEAR

Your job, your relationship, how you speak to your child, and the punishment you impose on them or yourself. Love or fear? Could it actually just be this simple? Could it be possible that love is the answer?

I am not talking about a 1969 peace, love, and veggies kinda love… I am talking about the cutthroat warrior kind of love that will simply not stand for anything less.

A love that will speak its truth no matter if it pleases the people around them or not. No matter if their friends/partner judges or criticizes them or not. Even BREAKING THE CHAIN on no longer punishing your children as your parents taught you children should be punished.

This is the kind of love I am talking about.

Here are 6 things I always ask myself to make sure I am coming from love

1.) Are you triggered by what someone says you should or shouldn't do? If you are, it may signify some work to be done.

Words and actions can cut deep so with our interpretations of them. When we are triggered by people, our fight-or-flight response can activate. Can you remember your reaction when someone mentioned a topic or gave a comment that you don’t totally agree with? You might have felt annoyed, upset, or angry. You might have felt betrayed, pressured, or stressed at times, but how did you react? Feeling all this sort of emotions is okay and understandable. What matters is how you respond to situations that trigger you. It may be tempting to retaliate without considering the consequences, but what if you take a step back and communicate your feelings properly? I’ve been in situations where I wished I had taken back or worded my sentiments better, but I realised it’s possible to avoid an embarrassing or awkward situation by communicating my emotions and reactions better.

Instead of attacking the person or retaliating, I would ask what they meant by what they said and explain how I interpreted it. This way, we get to avoid misunderstandings and work on our differences.

2.)Do you feel bad after you said or did something to someone?

It’s easy to go on full defense mode when we feel attacked. However, our emotions can get in the way of our relationships with our friends, spouse, families, and acquaintances. I’ve learned from previous experiences to hold off reacting to situations if I don’t fully understand the situation well. This way, I don’t have to feel guilty or say things I would regret after. Instead, I cool off my head, pause, and think about things thoroughly. I find that taking time off, doing things such as Cacao Ceremony or simply meditating can give me mental clarity and better communicate my emotions and reactions.

3.)Are you super excited to be doing what you are doing in your job/career?

It may be a sign to reevaluate your career if you always feel dreadful about getting up and performing your roles and responsibilities.

Find something that ignites your soul and keeps you excited to wake up in the morning. Perhaps, a passion project can rekindle your interests, or asking your team leader for new tasks can keep your creative juices flowing.

4.) Does time fly by when you are at work or with certain people or are you counting the moments until that experience finishes?

It's hard to notice time passing by when we love what we do. However, if we come from fear or boredom, we cannot wait for our work shift to end and get out of the office as fast as we can. It's also similar to life experiences or projects we were passionate about.

Whenever I feel stuck in a rut or stagnant, I return to my “Why.” I ask myself why I do what I do. What inspired me to pursue this project? What is my motivation? Who are the people I draw inspiration from or whom I want to inspire? Going back to my goals and why I do resets my focus and gets me back on track.

5.) Are you feeling frustrated with any choices you have made recently?

The consequences of our choices aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. It’s normal to regret some of our choices, but what if we can avoid these situations? Thinking thoroughly about the consequences and possible outcomes gives us mental clarity. It allows us to make smarter decisions and choices in the future.

6.) Are you regretting or wishing that you had chosen to do a certain thing in your life that you chose not to in "that" moment?

Speaking consciously and thinking of my intentions allow me to communicate my emotions better. It holds a space of understanding and comes from a place of love rather than rebuke, hate, fear, retaliation, or hurt. Take time to reflect, pause, and ponder whether your actions, reactions, and intentions come from love or fear.

The bottom line

No matter how busy or unfavorable the day gets, I set a time to practice gratitude. I soak into my experience and acknowledge the privilege I have to be alive and experiencing thousands of thoughts and emotions. I pause and look at my relationship with people, students, and communities. I also ponder and express my gratitude for the opportunities I welcome in my life and the tiny new things I consistently learn. Gratitude has massively changed my life. How did it change yours?